on the way back to the hospital I just kept thinking, “why is this happening to us? God just please heal these girls bodies.” charlie’s fever had come back that night/morning. We still don’t have answers for Laura and probably won’t for a while. God reminded me of Paul and the thorn he had in his side, he pleaded with God to take it out 3 times and God said my grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in your weakness. when you are weak then you are strong. this has been my favorite verse since I was in high school. I’ve never felt this weak, this helpless. but I also have never felt so confident in God’s plan.
when I got to the hospital, allen had used all the internet, I guess here you are only allowed so much per day and allen, by watching you tube videos, had used it all before 10 am. thanks allen 🙂 so I grabbed the Kindle while laura slept and the first book that poped was a beth more study on paul.. I said ok God I can take a hint. so I’m reading and ephesians 6:12 came up “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms”. I thought I need to read more well it goes into putting on the armor of God which my lovely friend messaged me that morning to read I browsed because I was short on time but I dug in at the hospital. this stuff with Laura it’s flesh and blood. I prayed in the clinic while they got Laura’s paperwork to get her to homburg. and I also fiercely told the devil that no matter what he throws at me my trust, my faith, my joy are in God. he will NOT change that. God is in control of this situation and that won’t be shaken. This has been feeling like a spiritual battle in my heart, so I’m putting on my armor and I’m fighting with prayer.
First Peter 1: 7 tells us one reason why difficulties will come throughout our lives. It says of trials, “These have come so that your faith— of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire— may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”
my faith is being refined, it hurts. I want my babies healthy and at home. we have a long road ahead of us. a lot of testing for Laura but God has it all under control. the time it takes to get genetic testing is probably enough time for God to work on my heart. My heart is aching, but God works all things for my good, even if I don’t see it. He will work this horrible thing for my good.
An update Laura has been running fevers on and off all day, currently off. prayers it stays that way. she was most likely having seizures with the fever. Her eeg was abnormal, they will retest before we leave. They are not confident they are ferbile seizures either. We will have an mri done soon and that will help us understand things. we have no answers and honestly I’m really doing better in that world, the answers scare me.
Thank you for loving our family through prayer, food and childcare. I will never be able to thank you enough. We love you all.